Kill you [me] and I’ll let the blood seep in my hands like wine into my white linen dress Why is it always violent? me and you? I clean the fish for dinner, tear out the spine of a red run salmon hell bent on swimming up stream you eat it all up and commend me on my bravery leave the stove on when you go Why does it feel like gutting my fish scale stomach open and looking for your bones inside of me? Why does it feel like laughing when the fire reaches my feet? Worst of all I like it I like the rage, I like the destroy destroy destroy, Dystopia of my own brain in the process You rip me up and I say, “thank you”. Thank you, lover, for always reminding me I am real I lost my body in the bathroom mirror again this morning but thanks to you crash cymbaling my heart right on time, I was able to slip right back in and we both know I don’t believe in god so much anymore but in that story, when Eve pulled that muscle covered rib from Adam to make her whole body up? It was all red jealousy jealousy jealousy of the highest kind I want to love you like the butcher loves the clean quick throat slice of the kill hard and fast and angry and just get it over with already pull my hair out and scream over dinner of mussels in white wine sauce, suck the body out of it’s shell you’re just sitting there sitting there, sitting there fight me back wrestle me to the floor gut punch kiss me curse me kill me just so long as you mean it. I want heavy hard and hit me with a hammer Damnit Choke me with your lips on my neck Why is it vicious? Why is it angry? Why is it carnal, and bloody, and bruised? Why do I only want love when it’s violent? Why do I only want love when it’s raw? Why do I want love at all if it always ends like this?